


Empty

by scalphunter



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-28 05:33:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19387516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scalphunter/pseuds/scalphunter
Summary: Bucky’s coping; he’s not on the brink of an icy cavern anymore, he’s slipping occasionally on the flat cold plane.





	Empty

He's standing barefoot, in the middle of his room with the lights motioned off. He threads his hands through both his hair and yanks, shutting his eyes, breathing in through his nose and slowly, very, very slowly, resisting the urge to scream. There isn’t much there, not in his head, not anymore, everything is so blank. It’s excruciating as much as the woolly noise was.

'Bucky?' Steve asks gently, and yes, he and Sam have talked about this, about making noise before approaching Bucky, he still isn’t _fine._ Bucky’s coping; he’s not on the brink of an icy cavern anymore, he’s slipping occasionally on the flat cold plane. He’s doing better. He thinks so. The Wakandan doctors say so, T’Challa tells Steve how he hasn’t been in the cryotube in ages and he doesn’t want to.

‘Steve’ he says, and he turns slightly, taking in the sharp outlines of his best friend as he hovers, just out of reach like always.

‘Are you –‘ Steve stops, seems to reiterate his sentence, ‘You want to me go?’ he settles with. Bucky remembers when Sam had all but yelled at Steve to leave Bucky alone when he had an – episode. He could hear Sam telling Steve to _‘you might not be the best thing right now, I know it hurts’_ and Bucky had gone to Sam a few days later and said his thanks. Sam, being who he is, looked at Bucky like he was stupid for mentioning it, and offered him a drink. That was a while ago. Now he feels like he has a handle on it, mostly, but there are the days where everything is unhinged, like the world is about to implode and he won’t know until he is already scrabbling for purchase. It’s not about being ‘better’. Not really. It’s not even about being ‘happy’. It’s about being _him._

‘Nah I don’t.’ he replies and Steve walks over, doesn’t touch him. That’s another thing he isn’t so good with yet. People touching him. The cognitive association of touch, especially from men, is not a positive one. They have always been quite tactile together – him and Steve. That was something he found rooted him, was Steve’s hand on his shoulder, the sincerity and loyalty in one simple action.

‘What’s going on?’ Steve asks and Bucky actually looks at him. There’s a worried crease in his brow that Bucky doesn’t think will ever go away.

‘I feel. Empty’ his voice trips and scrapes over the word.

‘Can I do anything?’ Steve asks and Bucky shakes his head.

‘I don’t think so, Stevie’ he sighs and Steve is smiling, ever so slightly, but there is a weight to it.

‘Stevie? What are we ten?’ he offers and Bucky snorts. Now that he thinks about it, the last time he called Steve that it was his 16th birthday. He knows Steve knows. Steve had been sipping from the bottle of Bucky’s moonshine, and when the guy had taken a particularly large gulp down he had said _‘Easy there, Stevie’_ the nickname rolling out of him on pure instinct. The raised eyebrow and unimpressed expression he received back was enough to make him double over with laughter. It was a good memory.

‘T’Challa told me you know where the best stands are in the market’ Steve says, innocently enough, and Bucky wants to roll his eyes, but he can’t because he knows both T’Challa and Steve mean well.

‘Well considering you can’t speak a word of the language; you might get lost or somethin’’ he states and catches the triumphant grin before Steve thinks he subdues it. Instead he goes in search of his shoes.

‘You do?’ Steve asks, curious.

‘I can speak Russian, Spanish, German, Cantonese and yes, I can speak Wakandan’

Steve nods, in that mildly irritating accepting way he does.

Bucky doesn’t feel so cold anymore.

‘I can speak Russian and German’ Steve adds, and Bucky smiles broadly, because he knows this idiot.

‘Lemme guess, both of those are due to Natasha?’ he asks knowingly.

‘Ah yes’ Steve confirms, grinning.

‘She’s a smart woman that one, Agent Romanoff’ Bucky hums, ‘Well you’d have to be to teach your dumb ass two languages’

‘That was uncalled for!’ Steve exclaims.

‘Are we goin’ to the market or what, punk, hurry up’

He goes, leaving Steve to follow him.


End file.
